“Oh well, it can't be helped.” Baillie was more annoyed that she was letting on to Andy. This art contract was important! Four desktop computers, three laptops and she couldn't get on any of them. “Can I go on yours to read my emails?”

“Of course you can. I'll put your software on there too. I should have thought and done that last night. I'm sorry.” Andy grovelled.

“Ah it's OK.” Baillie smiled. “I'm ahead of schedule anyway. I'll see you tonight.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” Baillie hung up and went over to the desktop computers. “Now then, monster.” Andy's computer had so much powerful paraphernalia and was so organised and efficient, that it seemed endlessly more vast than Baillie's machine. She always felt like she was going to disrupt something whenever she used this computer. There wasn't a lot to disrupt reading her own emails though. Most were junk, one or two from friends, one from the children's magazine asking if there was anything she needed. By the time she'd replied to the ones that needed it and deleted the junk, another one had appeared in her inbox folder. System@cyberspace didn't look familiar to Baillie but it didn't seem junk-like either.

'Hello Baillie. Have I told you how gorgeous you are? I did not know I was incomplete until I knew you existed. You are essential to me; you must teach me to give you pleasure. I love you, Baillie – IANAN.'

“Haha!” Baillie laughed. “You big geek, Andy. IANAN my arse, you nerd.” She saved that one for nerd illustration purposes in the future. She closed her emails and was just about to switch off the computer when IANAN itself popped up. “Busy today eh?”

“I have new data.” IANAN said.

“Ah so you got it all imported?” Baillie said absently. Talking to Andy's program was probably going to be the highlight of her day until Andy himself got home.

“It was successful. I have rehashed it accordingly.” IANAN informed her.

“I'm none the wiser, IANAN. I'm a complete retard compared to Andy.”

“Allow me to demonstrate.” Pages and pages of commands, characters, and numbers scrolled down the screen.

“Very pretty.” Baillie smiled. “You need to talk to the boss about all that.” The data began to scroll the other way, then it began to pause and jump in blocks. “It's no good looking for specific bits. I don't understand any of it.”

“Read me.” IANAN made the screen blink. Baillie sighed and looked at the screen. Then she stared at the screen, then she almost hurled the mouse through the screen. She could pick out the odd word and she wasn't pleased about any of them. Baillie, breasts, Tiddler, sex, orgasm, ejaculate, oral, were but a few of them. Baillie was furious. Andy had put all that into a blasted computer program?! How could he be such a pervert?! “You approve?”

“Do I shit approve!” Baillie snapped. “Hell what am I doing? Arguing with a bloody computer.” She stood up. “OK switch yourself off, IANAN. I think Andy needs to reprogram some of you.”

“You are very beautiful, Tiddler.” IANAN said and Baillie turned to look at the computer.

“He's even got you to grovel” She reached over and switched the power supply off altogether.


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