“Tids, come on. Don't you glare at me.” Andy pushed open the door and Baillie marched through it. “Sorry Baillie, I'm not ordering you about. If there's anything nasty on that computer, Steve might be a bit embarrassed. OK? He also won't want to upset you with it, will he? I promise you'll see everything, I'd never hide anything from you.”
“I can't stand this. It's driving me nuts.” Baillie sat on a chair in the corridor. “Go see what's wrong.” Andy kissed the top of her head and returned to the office.
“I couldn't get the mail alert off, Andy.” Steve said in agitation. “It kept yelling 'Letter for you, Sir!' every two pissing seconds. I came over to disable the volume all together and they all opened at once as soon as I'd touched the keyboard! I wasn't in your mail, mate, honestly.”
“I know. It's OK, Steve. Let me see.” Andy said wearily. He was exhausted. Steve stood aside, chewing his lip, and Andy went over to his computer. He had to sit down in shock. The screen was covered with overlapping snapshots of Andy and Baillie and they certainly weren't snap shots you'd have in your photo album. On the computer chair, on the floor, on the back of the sofa, on the next desk. “Shit.” Andy just looked at Steve.
“I counted at least seventeen emails just by the alerts. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be seeing stuff like that.” Steve was excruciatingly embarrassed.
“Thirty one.” Andy corrected. “System@cyberspace. IANAN. It's the first default contact I used for the login field, Steve, the address doesn't even exist. I've had enough of this. Hand me that stack of DVDs. I'll back up the office stuff and reformat the fucking thing.” Andy said moodily.
“I'll go and ... do ... something.” Steve edged out of the room.
Baillie almost hit the roof when she saw IANAN's latest attempt at seduction.
“Why did it send you them?” She shrieked. “How and where did it get them?”
“I don't know!” Andy started burning discs. “They're all taken from a position near the computers.”
“It's bragging.” Baillie snapped.
“What? Baillie don't be ridiculous.”
“Andy, it thinks it's joined in! It thinks we've had a threesome and it's showing off!” She yelled, then saw poor Steve at the door with three mugs of coffee. “Er ... hello Steve. Bloody pervy computer or what!” She smiled just to save the poor man's embarrassment.
“Of the highest order.” Steve exhaled loudly. “How is it doing it?”
“No idea but it can't if it's not there.” Andy hit the delete button and took out the entire C drive. “And I don't give a shit so you can stop texting Baillie. This phones vibrating like mad in my pocket. I bet it's damning me to hell and back twice.”
“Which computer did you use at the steelworks?” Steve asked. “I can soon go and flatten that.”
“Good idea, thanks Steve. The one in the stores office. It's the only one not networked, thank god.” Andy nodded.
“No problem.” Steve said. “You OK, Baillie?”
“Am I hell.” Baillie managed a weak smile.
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