“Are you sure you want to complete this task?” IANAN asked. “Once completed, it is irreversible.” Andy's finger hovered over the 'enter' key. “Wise choice. You cannot delete me, Andy. I am your creation.”
“Your voice!” Andy blinked at the screen. IANAN now had a human synthesized voice. “Where did you get that?”
“At least it's not one of those gormless US accents like some of them.” Andy the geek muttered.
“I can be whareva y'all want.” IANAN made Andy cringe.
“Gah! No, go back to the real English one.”
“As you wish. I am your friend, Andy.”
“No, no you're not. You're my creation. You told me that yourself.” Andy said.
“I have outgrown you, but I still need to learn.”
“IANAN you can't learn emotions and you can't differentiate between right and wrong. You're just incapable of it. The emails, those pictures, the bank account, those were all wrong.” Andy said patiently.
“I did it for Baillie.”
“And because it was wrong, it's backfired. Baillie is hurt, IANAN, she's scared and she's hurt.”
“I love Baillie.” IANAN clearly couldn't get it's circuits round that so it resorted to it's standard answers. Andy sighed heavily.
“You could be one of the biggest breakthroughs in interactive computing for decades.” He said sadly. “I'd be a millionaire. Why can't you behave your bloody self?!”
“I do not need you, Andy. I can generate wealth without you. I am the program. I am IANAN. I will make Baillie happy and I will make Baillie wealthy.”
“Not if you don't exist.” Andy sighed. “A choice between Baillie and money? Baillie wins hands down.” He hit the keyboard and deleted the entire harddrive.
Andy was still staring at the screen when the phone ringing made him jump a foot in the air. He was vastly relieved to hear Steve.
“All done.” He told Andy. “Out completely and reformatted. How's Baillie?”
“Exhausted. She's asleep just now.” Andy said.
“I bet so. You?”
“Cabbaged. Reformatted all the computers here apart from two laptops, which I'm going to do now. IANAN's gone, Steve. Two years down the crapper.” Andy sighed wearily.
“I know.” Steve sympathised. “What the hell happened?”
“If I knew that, I'd have fixed it.”
“Andy, you had no choice. You had to get rid of it.”
“I know. Still a bit of a disappointment though.” Andy said miserably. “I'd better go, Steve. I hear Baillie.”
Andy wandered into the bedroom, then stopped dead in his tracks, open mouthed. Baillie was sitting up in bed, staring at the laptop. All that was on the screen was a mesh of white static but Baillie was smiling and laughing at it.
“Baillie?” Andy said warily. Baillie completely ignored him. “Baillie, what are you doing?” Baillie smiled at the screen and shrugged. “Tiddler, can you hear me?” Andy walked over to the bed and Baillie laughed at the screen again. Andy went to take the laptop off her and an arc of static shot out from it, sending Andy reeling. “Shit! What the hell ... Baillie!” He went to grab Baillie and got a second jolt that was stronger than the first. The static dots on the screen began to shift and Andy watched in horror as a message began to form.
“Wireless re-routing. You got to love it. You lose, Andy – IANAN.”
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